Stonewall Gazette

Written by Shane Smith, Editor, Stonewall Gazette


In a recent interview with the Desert Sun actors, Kit Williamson (pictured right) and John Halbach (pictured left) discuss their hit show "EastSiders" and what it's like being openly gay men in Hollywood today.

Written by Phil Schraeder


Every employee has a unique perspective, and it helps immensely if they discuss their background with colleagues. As a gay man, I’m always willing to discuss my own story with the rest of the organization. This means, for instance, bringing up my partner in casual conversation with the same ease that a straight colleague might bring up a girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse. When I initially gravitated toward working in accounting and finance, I didn’t have a tremendous number of gay role models to look up to, so I’m especially aware of the subtle but powerful value of just being visible and vocal about who I am. READ MORE

Written by Oliver Stabbe


My American Sign Language (ASL)* and Deaf studies classes created a strong foundation for learning ASL. Classes can only go so far in teaching real-world vocabulary, however. While my professors may believe that it is crucial to teach the sign for “onion” so I can feed myself, I find it more important learn the sign for “gay” so that I can ask a random Deaf stranger wandering the streets “hey, I’m lost, where’s the gay parade?” I would choose a parade over onion rings any day. The only place that I felt I could appropriately learn these terms was by socializing with my LGBTQ Deaf and signing peers. READ MORE

Written by Michael D'Alimonte


Gay guys get misunderstood, a lot, at least when it comes to our lifestyle. The largest misconception is that all gay guys share a specific lifestyle, one that's a big ball of sex, abs, and partying. If only that were true. The largest culprit of reinforcing the gay stereotype, even though they don't really mean to, are some straight girls. Such women seem to have a singular conception for all gay men, one that's far from reality. To illustrate what I'm talking about, here are 14 things some straight girls never seem to understand about gay guys:

Written by Michael Hobbes


For years I’ve noticed the divergence between my straight friends and my gay friends. While one half of my social circle has disappeared into relationships, kids and suburbs, the other has struggled through isolation and anxiety, hard drugs and risky sex.

Written by Attitude


There’s been a rise in the number of men who identify as ‘mostly straight’, and their reason is because ‘bisexual’ is “too gay”. Ritch C. Savin-Williams, a professor of development psychology at Cornell University, is releasing a book entitled Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidity Among Gay Men which is explores this new phenomenon.

Written by Shane Smith , Editor of Stonewall Gazette


Join hosts, Psychologist Dr Tony Ortega and Life Coach John Davisi as the two men discuss important topics in the gay community.  In the premier episode of The Raw(est) Brunch they'll be covering fear, comparison, judgment, and body shame!

Written by OutVisions


Starting at an early age, both Justin Mallard and Brett Rancourt knew they wanted to have kids. As they came to terms with their sexualities, accepting the fact they were gay, one of the biggest struggles they faced was the idea that being gay and having a family did not seem like a realistic reality.

Written by John Lannoye


Ever hear of breadcrumbing? Here’s the short definition. Breadcrumbing is when a guy holds on to you by a string. Rather than just ending things or refusing to talk (ghosting) breadcrumbers do the bare minimum to boost your hopes while never committing – to anything. In this way, they can still get down your pants or stroke your ego without having to emotionally invest.


FYI: Some guys also use breadcrumbing as a form of breaking up without actually severing ties. But once they find someone they are ready to get serious with, they ghost out. If you’ve ever had this happen, you know how brutal it can be. That’s why it’s best to nip it in the bud immediately.

Here’s 10 signs to look for if you think you’re being breadcrumbed.

Written by Mark Greene


In American culture, we believe that men can never be entirely trusted in the realm of the physical. We collectively suspect that, given the opportunity, men will revert to the sexual at a moment’s notice. That men don’t know how to physically connect otherwise. That men can’t control themselves. That men are dogs.

There is no corresponding narrative about women.


In preparing to write about the lack of gentle touch in men’s lives, I right away thought, “I feel confident I can do platonic touch, but I don’t necessarily trust other men to do it. Some guy will do something creepy. They always do”.

Quickly on the heels of that thought, I wondered, “Wait a minute, why do I distrust men in particular?” The little voice in my head didn’t say, “I don’t necessarily trust people to not be creepy”, it said, “I don’t trust men”. READ MORE

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I found this video by relationship coach and gay matchmaker Paul Angelo very interesting. Angelo says that, "Forgiveness and responsibility are the basics of moving on and are the foundation for lifelong learning. However, as a gay man over 40, when you forgive others too quickly, without assigning responsibility for their role in your conflict, you are preventing yourself from growing psychologically and spiritually and are bound to repeat the same mistakes in the future." He adds, "Without addressing responsibility, logical connections between events, individuals and their roles in the conflict are never made and the insights are hidden behind the clout of forgiveness. Those insights are never learned and not integrated into the psychology so that future conflicts can be prevented."

Is forgiveness enough? Watch the video and share your thoughts in the comments.

Watch Video: Toxic Relationships and The Trap of Forgiveness  

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Written by Mike Miksche

I’m a defender of political correctness and believe that it’s a form of decency and respect. At the same time, I understand that there’s nothing politically correct about sexual attraction. People simply like who they like. Sometimes they understand the root of this attraction and sometimes it’s a complete mystery. However, to say “never” is very different from saying, “I prefer white guys”, or “I prefer blondes.” So is that what differentiates a preference from prejudice? I definitely have a preference in men. I love guys in their late 40s to early 50s, who are beefy, hairy and are okay with being called “daddy.” I have no racial preferences so long as they fit within that daddy/beefy bear criteria. That said, my lover Ernan isn’t any of those things and I still find him extremely attractive. For me, nothing is set in stone, and chemistry trumps preference. I think it’s immature and even ignorant to say that you’d “never” do this or that because who knows? And when applied to race, dating and sex, what I think it really means is that someone is saying that they find a whole race of people so unattractive that there isn’t even the slightest possibility, not even in the future, that you’d find anything sexual about any of them based on their looks alone, regardless of who they are as a person. Not only is that highly insulting but it is a prejudice. It’s not a preference, no matter how you slice it. READ MORE

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Written by Elle Hunt

Sexuality poses no risk to mental health, a new study has found, challenging a common perception that homosexual and bisexual people are at risk of poor mental health and suicide because of their orientation. The research, carried out over eight years and led by the Australian National University, found that the risk commonly attributed to sexual orientation was driven by other factors, including negative social interactions, the absence of support, adversity in childhood such as sexual trauma, and even smoking. Homosexual and bisexual people did experience more of these risk factors, which leader researcher Dr Richard Burns said may be a consequence of their orientation, particularly at the time of their coming out.

People of bisexual orientation were found to be at more at risk of poor mental health than those of homosexual orientation, but the study concluded the risk was mitigated “when all individuals are provided with positive and supportive social networks and they have lower risk factors”, said Burns. He said a heterosexual person feeling unsupported in a stressful or traumatic situation “would be at just as much risk as a homosexual who is reporting negative social support ... It’s these other risk factors that are driving people’s risks, not their sexual orientation.” Burns added that social support and negative health behaviours were “modifiable”.

Burns said an absence of support from family, friends and the wider community was a known risk factor for poor mental health, and that could include discrimination under legislation or in public discourse. READ MORE

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Written by Jonathan Suffield


It’s that time of year again, the air is still bitter and so am I. Well, to be honest, it’s not for the reasons you might think. It’s the plight of the single person on Valentine’s Day. It seems like on this “oh so special day” of the year a spotlight is placed upon every human being who is unfortunate enough to find themselves unattached.

The questions start early, say mid January time frame, as your co-workers begin to circle like sharks. “I notice there aren’t any pictures on your desk, is there a special fella?” First of all, “fella?” What decade is this? Secondly, oh wait there’s a phone call. “Hi Grandma……oh you have a lovely girl you would like me to meet……..she’s older like me and never married?…..Grandma she’s probably a lesbian, like me……..no I’m not a lesbian….I mean I’m gay, remember”…..and hang up on Grandma. Finally I get to escape to the sweet refuge of my home as I sit on the couch and turn on the television and am immediately bombarded with ad after ad telling me how lonely I am and how my life cannot be complete if I am not on a romantic get away... continue reading here.

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Written by Ian Howley


There are only two subjects that get gay men angry. One is sexual racism and the other is open relationships. Now I can understand why sexual racism gets a discussion going. The other I don’t really understand. Why does someone else’s personal relationship get you so angry? Why does the idea of two grown men developing a relationship that suits their needs make you feel the need to tell them their relationship is not ‘a real relationship’? Now many would argue that someone’s anger towards gay men in open relationships is probably a reflection on themselves, their insecurities, age or experience. READ MORE

RELATED How Do Gay Couples Navigate Open Relationships?

Dallas Voice:

Choosing the perfect gift for your significant other can be stressful, especially if it’s your first holiday together. But there are ways you can sneak a peek at your partner’s wish list (without outright asking for it) if you engage in a few spy tactics. Consider these six tinseled gift-giving tricks as Santa’s little sleuth to surprise your better half this season.

1. Mine his social media. Social media profiles are full of interesting information about an individual — but you already know that, you stalker. Use your data-mining skills for treasure hunts that don’t include shirtless summer pics to find out what your babe wants under the tree this year. More

2. Ask his friends and family. I started dating someone new this year, and even though I’m fairly astute in gathering clues about what he’d like for Christmas, I also asked his mother and brother to gain a more comprehensive perspective. More

3. Be a great observer. Whether you know it or not, your partner has been dropping clues for what he or she would like as a gift since shortly after you started dating. More

4. Choose memories over material goods. If you’re having a hard time thinking of a tangible thing to buy, skip the material object all together. More

5. Consider needs vs. wants. We all want plenty of things, but are they necessities? If you partner needs things — like, say, a new interview suit or tires for his car — prioritize these over frivolous gifts that serve no real purpose. More

6. Stay In sync. Couples who are in sync don’t have much problem thinking of gifts to give one another. More

WATCH VIDEO


Saying, "I do," is a dream for many gay men BUT when it comes to the financial aspects you may need to exercise caution. Did you know that in 28 states you could get fired for being openly gay?

David Auten and John Schneider are The Debt Free Guys and their mission is to help give people a money conscious blueprint. In this useful video they discuss the importance of knowing your legal rights.

You can follow The Debt Free Guys on Twitter

WATCH VIDEO

Written by John Francis Leonard

Protecting My Sexual Health & My Heart’s Desires
The last thing I wanted to do this month was talk, yet again, about a social app interaction. Last week though, I had an encounter that really gave me pause. A simple hook-up, once a matter of routine in my life, made me ask myself some fairly important questions about who I am today and what I am looking for in my interactions with other men. I received a message from a man (we’re both in our mid-forties) with whom I’ve texted in the past, though not regularly (I’ll call him David here). David is a nice guy and we’d never really talked much about actually getting together for sex or anything else. He actually seemed kind of shy, which usually doesn’t really attract me. Well, he seemed to have gotten over his reticence and got straight to the point. “Are we ever going to finally hook up?” he asked. My interest was piqued; I’m a guy who appreciates a direct approach. He definitely had my attention. READ MORE

You can follow John Francis Leonard on Twitter

"Familiarity with gay culture also helps teach critical thinking, in that it offers a deep reminder of our difficult history and encourages a sharp cultural critique of dominant family structures that still too often get a pass," writes John Culhane. "That’s why the post-marriage-equality trend of discarding alternative family forms, such as domestic partnerships, is a very big mistake. Formal equality is no excuse for failing to continually rethink what actual families—broadly defined—need." READ MORE

Via Pacific Standard:
Growing up a sexual minority means you were most likely raised by the majority script. This means you likely weren’t taught the skills or coping mechanisms to deal with your sexuality and most definitely homophobia. You live in fear that those you love the most may not understand. Moreover, you go from one day being what you thought of as “typical” and having unrecognized privileges to coming out. In the next moments, many of those privileges are wiped away and you have to re-frame expectations for yourself and what you can do and what is possible … just because of a few words you said out loud. For many non-heterosexual people, gay bars help us find our way. They are often the most accessible safe spaces available. READ MORE