Stonewall Gazette

Written by Attitude


There’s been a rise in the number of men who identify as ‘mostly straight’, and their reason is because ‘bisexual’ is “too gay”. Ritch C. Savin-Williams, a professor of development psychology at Cornell University, is releasing a book entitled Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidity Among Gay Men which is explores this new phenomenon.

Written by John Lannoye


Ever hear of breadcrumbing? Here’s the short definition. Breadcrumbing is when a guy holds on to you by a string. Rather than just ending things or refusing to talk (ghosting) breadcrumbers do the bare minimum to boost your hopes while never committing – to anything. In this way, they can still get down your pants or stroke your ego without having to emotionally invest.


FYI: Some guys also use breadcrumbing as a form of breaking up without actually severing ties. But once they find someone they are ready to get serious with, they ghost out. If you’ve ever had this happen, you know how brutal it can be. That’s why it’s best to nip it in the bud immediately.

Here’s 10 signs to look for if you think you’re being breadcrumbed.

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Written by Mike Miksche

I’m a defender of political correctness and believe that it’s a form of decency and respect. At the same time, I understand that there’s nothing politically correct about sexual attraction. People simply like who they like. Sometimes they understand the root of this attraction and sometimes it’s a complete mystery. However, to say “never” is very different from saying, “I prefer white guys”, or “I prefer blondes.” So is that what differentiates a preference from prejudice? I definitely have a preference in men. I love guys in their late 40s to early 50s, who are beefy, hairy and are okay with being called “daddy.” I have no racial preferences so long as they fit within that daddy/beefy bear criteria. That said, my lover Ernan isn’t any of those things and I still find him extremely attractive. For me, nothing is set in stone, and chemistry trumps preference. I think it’s immature and even ignorant to say that you’d “never” do this or that because who knows? And when applied to race, dating and sex, what I think it really means is that someone is saying that they find a whole race of people so unattractive that there isn’t even the slightest possibility, not even in the future, that you’d find anything sexual about any of them based on their looks alone, regardless of who they are as a person. Not only is that highly insulting but it is a prejudice. It’s not a preference, no matter how you slice it. READ MORE

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Written by Jonathan Suffield


It’s that time of year again, the air is still bitter and so am I. Well, to be honest, it’s not for the reasons you might think. It’s the plight of the single person on Valentine’s Day. It seems like on this “oh so special day” of the year a spotlight is placed upon every human being who is unfortunate enough to find themselves unattached.

The questions start early, say mid January time frame, as your co-workers begin to circle like sharks. “I notice there aren’t any pictures on your desk, is there a special fella?” First of all, “fella?” What decade is this? Secondly, oh wait there’s a phone call. “Hi Grandma……oh you have a lovely girl you would like me to meet……..she’s older like me and never married?…..Grandma she’s probably a lesbian, like me……..no I’m not a lesbian….I mean I’m gay, remember”…..and hang up on Grandma. Finally I get to escape to the sweet refuge of my home as I sit on the couch and turn on the television and am immediately bombarded with ad after ad telling me how lonely I am and how my life cannot be complete if I am not on a romantic get away... continue reading here.

Written by John Francis Leonard

Protecting My Sexual Health & My Heart’s Desires
The last thing I wanted to do this month was talk, yet again, about a social app interaction. Last week though, I had an encounter that really gave me pause. A simple hook-up, once a matter of routine in my life, made me ask myself some fairly important questions about who I am today and what I am looking for in my interactions with other men. I received a message from a man (we’re both in our mid-forties) with whom I’ve texted in the past, though not regularly (I’ll call him David here). David is a nice guy and we’d never really talked much about actually getting together for sex or anything else. He actually seemed kind of shy, which usually doesn’t really attract me. Well, he seemed to have gotten over his reticence and got straight to the point. “Are we ever going to finally hook up?” he asked. My interest was piqued; I’m a guy who appreciates a direct approach. He definitely had my attention. READ MORE

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Study: Differences in Mental Health Symptoms Between LGBQ and Heterosexuals

A new study exploring the prevalence of mental health symptoms in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and questioning (LGBQ) community, found that the often overlooked questioning and bisexual youth face their own significant challenges, particularly when it comes to depression, anxiety and traumatic distress. Drexel’s Department of Couple and Family Therapy published their findings in the Journal of Adolescent Health under the title, “Difference in Mental Health Symptoms Across Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Questioning Youth in Primary Care Settings.” On the male side of the study, gay and bisexual respondents displayed significantly higher scores for depression and traumatic stress. Gay males also scored significantly higher for anxiety than heterosexual males. Bisexual males trended higher than heterosexual males for anxiety, but only slightly. Their lifetime suicide ideation scores were significantly higher than heterosexual males, however. The team believes that its study demonstrates a clear need for medical providers and researchers to be sensitive to differences across the LGBQ community without lumping them all together. While a general risk of mental health issues remains for the entire community, it would be best to stay mindful of certain groups’ susceptibility to particular issues. (OutNewsUk)


Men Who Ejaculate Often May Have a Lower Risk of Prostate Cancer

Men who ejaculate often may have a lower risk of prostate cancer than their peers who don’t do it as frequently, a U.S. study suggests. Researchers followed about 32,000 men starting in 1992 when they were in their 20s and continuing through 2010. During this period, almost 4,000 of the men were diagnosed with prostate cancer. Men who ejaculated at least 21 times a month in their 20s were 19 percent less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than men who ejaculated no more than seven times a month, the study found. Men who ejaculated more often in their 40s were 22 percent less likely to get a prostate cancer diagnosis. “Ejaculation frequency is, to some extent, a measure of overall health status in that men at the very low end of ejaculation – 0 to 3 times per month – were more likely to have other (medical problems) and die prematurely from causes other than prostate cancer,” said lead study author Jennifer Rider, who did the analysis while working at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health in Boston. (Reuters Health)


Online: Reading Profiles or Reading Into Them?

A profile is your personal advertisement, a way of providing information about you, titillating others and hopefully generating interest in making contact. What is important to understand is that profiles can be read, but they can also be read into; in other words, the reader interprets what you have written completely different from what you intended. For example, a 55 year old man has a profile that includes photos himself in various activities (nothing nude or sexually suggestive) and the profile text describes his interests and hobbies and his hope in finding a suitable long term companion. However, he often receives replies that leave him scratching his head and wondering if people actually even bother to read the profile. He revisits his profile, goes over the text and photos he has used, but can’t find anything that would logically explain these out-from-left-field responses. Unfortunately, there really isn’t much that he can do — people sometimes see what they want to see. Psychology uses the term “selective attention” to describe how the brain — bombarded with information — makes selections that fit what we want to see and discards the rest. If you have ever watched a magician perform a slight of hand, that is an example of selective attention — the brain interprets the actions in a specific way. It is always worth the effort to set up your profile carefully and ensure you are advertising for what you really want. But if you sometimes get replies that leave you wondering, relax. It’s just other guys indulging in some wishful thinking. (GuideforGayMen)

Posted by Shane Smith , Editor of Stonewall Gazette


Dating Tips: Sex On The First Date? Yes or No
Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What traditions and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do? The key is to have fun with dating and take a light approach. Dating is both an art and a science in my belief, combining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one wants and needs for a happy and fulfilling lifestyle. When your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship, you’ll be living with integrity and will be able to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor. It will make the process much more easy-going and rewarding. This article will offer some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s occurrence. While these are by no means “rules”, these ideas can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. (GayNewsSeattle)


When Did You Last Have Sober Sex?
A question that can stop too many gay men in their tracks these days. In fact it’s become the most commonly asked question by workers in London’s sexual health clinics. What’s more worrying is that they are not referring to alcohol so much as mephedrone, GBL and crystal meth, which have arguably become a normalised part of our sexual recreation (whether we use them or not), with chem-sex being easily available on any hooking-up site or app you might download to your phone. This was mildly concerning some years back, when many gay men didn’t know what chem-sex was, when it was only a small section of our community partying with chems; you know, good ol’ G-shag after the Circuit Party festivities, or smoking some Tina on the odd bank holiday to shag that hot couple you’d had your eye on. When slamming was something you only ever did to a door. (F S Magazine)


Watch Video: There's More To Gay Sex Than Anal Sex


Dr. John Corvino, is a philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit. In this video he talks about those who seem to think there's nothing more to gay sex than anal sex and explains "how squeamish visceral reactions can sometimes masquerade as moral judgments."

Robert Notter writes:
Relationships are a hot topic. Turn on the television, surf the Net or walk into any bookstore and you'll be instantly overwhelmed with the latest news on who's dating who and how to find your very own Mr. Right.

It's not coincidental that so much of our popular culture and dinner conversations revolve around relationships and sex. We are genetically wired to seek connection with others, both emotionally and physically. We all need relationships in one way or another, and when they are handled well, we have the opportunity to enjoy life, have more passion, and feel secure. Unfortunately, people increasingly have less and less connection with each other. I often find, working as a health and lifestyle coach, that many of my clients feel alone. The Washington Post recently reported that a quarter of Americans say they have no one with whom they can discuss personal troubles, more than double the number who were similarly isolated in 1985. What about you -- are you happy and feeling supported, or are you someone who has a more intimate relationship with Lifetime Television than you do with other people? MORE

GFN / Matthew Ray writes:
Over the last decade, the popularity of Internet dating sites has increased dramatically and dispelled any lingering social stigma, that is, if there ever was one in the gay community.

In the last few years, countless lonely hearts have turned to sites like E-harmony or Match.com hoping to find love, and those searching have registered huge profits for sites with credible success stories. The popularity of E-harmony, though, and their unapologetic discrimination towards gay clients, has led entrepreneurs to rethink services specifically for gay singles. Patrick H. Perrine (pictured), is the founder and matchmaker behind myPartner.com. Perhaps you’ve seen myPartner’s advertisements on GFN, or other gay-friendly Websites; since their October launch their ads have been nothing short of ubiquitous. With Valentines Day looming on the horizon, GFN spoke to Dr. Perrine about how he went from relationship counselor to online cupid. FULL INTERVIEW HERE

Bryan Ochalla writes:
Not so long ago, Gay.com was about the only “social networking” site out there specifically aimed at the LGBT community. Today, there are so many it’s hard to keep them straight (no pun intended). Of course, not all such sites are created equal. Some emphasize the social aspect of social networking and are all about cruising, dating or hooking up with the half-naked guys that swarm the sites. Others emphasize the networking aspect—whether that means finding new clients, friends or true loves. Considering the options, it can be difficult to decide which site will be a perfect match and which will be a horrible mistake. The following list is hardly exhaustive—there are too many LGBT social networking sites to list here—but it should get you pointed in the right direction. Bryan Ochalla gives you the skinny on the following sites: Big Jock, ManJam, Jake, Glee, Lovetastic and more HERE